seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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