he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
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Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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