A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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