Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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