His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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