A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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