I don't think brook has ever known best
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
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Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize