I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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