she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize