If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize