Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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