wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize