You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize