Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
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Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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