I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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