Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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