After last night, I could never be a politician.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize