Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize