Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
my liver is dry heaving
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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