textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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