I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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