i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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