you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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