im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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