I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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