I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
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Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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