Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
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Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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