I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Congratulations! We have a period
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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