i came on her dog
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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