Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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