The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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