I can tuck mytits in my pants
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize