If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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