yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so explain again why im purple
no
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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