Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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