one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize