My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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