Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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