Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
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In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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