This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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