Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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