I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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