Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize