I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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