there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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