I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
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He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
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You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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