Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
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You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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