Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
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Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
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Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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