Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
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Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
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Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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