the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
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It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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