What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize